Well, as it says.

A first-grade class in Brooklyn comes in from recess. The teacher asks Sarah:
What did you do at recess?" Sarah says, "I played in the sand box." The teacher says, "That's good. Go to the blackboard, and if you can write 'sand' correctly, I'll give you a fresh-baked cookie." She does and gets a cookie. The teacher asks Timmy what he did at recess. Timmy says, "I played with Sarah in the sand box." The teacher says, "Good. If you write 'box' correctly on the blackboard, I'll give you a fresh baked cookie." Timmy does, and gets a cookie. The teacher then asks Mohammed what he did at recess. He says, "I tried to play with Sarah and Timmy, but they threw rocks at me." The teacher says, "They threw rocks at you? That sounds like blatant racial discrimination. If you can go to the blackboard and write 'blatant racial discrimination' correctly you get a cookie"

Three mice are sitting in a bar, smoking ciggies, drinking beer and bragging about how tough they are.

The first mouse says "Im so tough, I get up in the morning and eat a bowl of Rat poison, just to get me started".

The second mouse laughs and says "Thats nothing, I get up, walk past the owner of the house, walk over the mouse trap, break it over my knee, eat the cheese and walk past the owner just to piss her off".

The third mouse laughs at the other two mice, finishes his beer and ciggie and walks away.
The other two mice ask him "Where are you going if you think you are so tough?".

"Im gonna go fuck the cat" he replies.

Definition of Ego:
A rhino is floating down a river with a flea on its back after sex. The flea whispers in the rhinos ear...."Did I hurt you baby?"

Smart Kid

A first-grade teacher, Ms Brooks was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, "Harry what is your problem?" Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third -grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third-grade too!

Ms Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office. While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms Brooks he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave. She agreed. Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"
Harry: "9"

Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"
Harry: "36".

And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade should know.

The principal looks at Ms Brooks and tells her, "I think Harry can go to the third-grade."

Ms Brooks says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions?" The principal and Harry both agree.

Ms Brooks asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?

Harry, after a moment: "Legs."

Ms Brooks: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?" The principal wondered, why does she ask such a question!

Harry replied: "Pockets."

Ms Brooks: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"

Harry: "Pants"

Ms Brooks: What's starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?

Harry: Coconut

The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry was taking charge.

Ms Brooks: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?

Harry: Bubblegum

Ms Brooks: What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting down and a dog do on three legs?" The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer;

Harry: Shake hands

Ms Brooks: Now I will ask some "Who am I" sort of questions,okay?

Harry: Yep.

Ms Brooks: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do.

Harry: Tent

Ms Brooks: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first.

The Principal was looking restless and bit tense.

Harry: Wedding Ring

Ms Brooks: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good.

Harry: Nose

Ms Brooks: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.

Harry: Arrow

Ms Brooks: What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?

Harry: Firetruck

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last ten questions wrong myself."

lol. I got the last ten wrong too.